porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
