just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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