Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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