Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
