Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
