70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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