Sponge bath it is.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
