I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
