Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
