Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
