if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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