1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
