I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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