Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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