he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
