im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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