my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
