my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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