How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
