Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
