After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
