I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
