what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
