i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
