i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
