you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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