my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
