Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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