"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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