Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Are my feet made of real feet?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
