If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
