I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
