I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
