so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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