i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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