Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
