My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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