I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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