Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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