her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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