oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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