There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
