When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
