the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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