I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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