god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
