I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
