Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My dick has a subreddit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
