Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
