If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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