ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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