life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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