People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
