hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
