You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
