Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
