So drunk its hurt
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
