But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
