the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
