Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
