Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
